Big D Energy (Pink)

If dad can't fix it, it's fucked.

You gift is another year of not having to pay for my wedding lol

Thanks for being my favourite parent (after mum)

Happy Birthday Dilf!

Happy Birthday! From your favourite financial burden x

Thanks for knocking mum up and making me <3

Sorry for swearing all the fucking time. I got it from my dad.

Happy Birthday Week!

Just in case you don't get any D on your birthday, you can suck on these. Happy Birthday babe!

Happy Birthday month you diva!

Happy Birthday old bitch! From your better looking, younger sister.

A year older and still a wanker

Only dickheads are born in June. Happy Birthday bro!

Happy Birthday to my favourite penis

Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive, Happy Birthday!!

Today we celebrate the day I left your vagina. Happy Birthday Mum!

Did you fall from a vending machine? Because you lookin like a snack

I choo- choo- choose you

Roses are red, violet are blue. You weren't my first choice, but I guess you'll do x

Happy Consumeris- I mean Valentine's Day!

Don't worry — no one loves you any other day of the year either!

Happy Galentine's Day, ya lonely bitch!

Will you be my bitch for the day?

Will you be my bridesmaid? I promise to put you in something that shows off your ass and legs xx

Enjoy, because your diet starts now! Will you be my bridesmaid?

I need someone to wear an ugly dress so that I look prettier in mine. Will you be my maid of honour?

Someone needs to hold my wedding dress when I pee. Will you?

I have my mister, now I need my sister! Will you be my bridesmaid?

Bitch, I need you!

I'm engaged, but we know he's really marrying us both. WIll you be my bridesmaid?

Crying over a guy? Nah babe, pick your head up queen. Your tiara is falling

Once upon a time, a princess lived in her own castle, with her own money, with all the things that she bought and paid for herself. Putting her first because men are deadass cunts. The End xx

Don't worry babe, he was punching anyway. Your vag deserves better x

Donuts before dickheads. Eat up babe, he was punching anyway x

Congratulations on your divorce! We hated her! So take a shot, you finally untied the fucking knot!

You're too pretty for a small dick anyway xx

What do you call a woman with no asshole? Divorced!

Baby, I wish I could think of a proper message to write, but all I can think of is how much I want to come and put you over the desk at work! What time's your break?

Roses are red, grass is green. I like your legs and the thing in between!

The calories you eat when you're on your period don't count. Eat that donut babygirl

Just because x (I'm not even trying to score a root)

Love you and your massive penis x

Thanks for all